hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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