I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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