I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
