Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
