just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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