Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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