Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
