the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
