I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im holly from the hills drunk
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
