I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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