would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
