Your dad touched me again.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
