I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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