I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
