i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
