Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
