we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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