Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
