bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
