I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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