btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
