tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
