I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
