I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
