I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
