I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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