I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
