Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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