If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
