I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
