HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i think my cat just said my name.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
