She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So squirting runs in the family.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
