it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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