I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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