Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
