There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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