he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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