We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
