My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
