I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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