When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
