He is such a slut. More and more my type.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
