from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
