Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
