I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
