i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
