go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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