Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
