i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
