Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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