Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
